Let’s Talk Respect

Aw we grow up, we are all taught about respect — but all too often, were choose who deserves our respect and who does not. Respecting a person for who they are fundamentally at their core, stripped of political stance, background, opinion, etc. should be a given, but it is rarely the case.

When I talk about respecting another person fundamentally, I mean respecting how they identify themselves, whether that’s gender, sexuality, or both. Our identity is essential to the rest of our personality and character. Even if a person’s character or personality are not worth respecting, who they are– at their most essential core– is. 

For example, Ezra Miller, a well known non-binary actor, who uses they/them pronouns, was seen assaulting a fan by choking them at a bar in Reykjavik, Iceland earlier this year. Now, many people who consider themselves “accepting” have used this as an excuse to use the incorrect pronouns for Miller— resorting to he/him.

Do I respect Miller for assaulting a fan? Absolutely not, but someone’s actions— however horrible— do not invalidate their identity and are not an excuse to do so intentionally. 

Most recently, the star of The Umbrella Academy, Elliot Page, came out as trans, saying that they would like to be referred to as Elliot, and with both he and they pronouns. Unfortunately, many media outlets continue to refer to them as “Ellen” Page— a practice commonly known as deadnaming, and similarly, continue to use the pronouns she and her in reference to them. 

Deadnaming is a common practice that many trans people are used to, but being accustomed to blatant disrespect doesn’t make it any better. The act of coming out as trans is difficult as it is, and for many, acceptance is key to validating the struggle of both figuring out their identity and being able to admit it to others. 

Sadly, it seems people are more likely to apologize for misgendering your dog on the street than they are to apologize for misgendering an actual human being.

89% of trans individuals have had suicidal ideations, while 27% have attempted it, and according to resources from the Human Rights Campaign, there have been at least 41 cases of transgender or gender non-conforming people who have been fatally shot or killed — a majority of whom were trans women of color. 

When we talk about respect, even about notions as simple as using someone’s chosen name or pronouns, it is not simply about being kind. To consciously make attempts to be accepting can go much further than one might think.