VIRGO [aug 23 to sept 22] //  HAPPY VIRGO SEASON VIRGANG! It’s your month to shine, bb, so please stop cleaning for five seconds and go celebrate. Your hair looks FINE. Stop fixing it every two seconds because you see one wispy hair. It’s not the end of the world, we promise. Don’t get too focused on if everything is, or is not, in perfect shades of black and white. You’ll tend to see it in either a perfectly clean or tremendously dirty shade, because you my good lad, are both the most obsessive and compulsive sign of all the twelve. It’s completely understandable that you enjoy having everything and anything organized, but that is NOT your main focus in life right now. You have until the 22nd of September until your season is over so GO LIVE IT UP.

LIBRA [sept 23 to october 22] // More likely than not, Libra, you will be the one who tries to understand most exotic things that you have never even heard of. This includes, but is definitely not limited to, foreign food, expensive shoes, Goodwill sweaters and Pacsun mom jeans. These trends are very, very common with all of you, especially with ones that have, or are currently, living in California. Keep on using your extensive vocabulary to confuse your friends and keep drinking your venti café mocha latte with two extra shots and an extra pump of mocha sauce. Or, if you’re feeling extra raunchy this week, go out and indulge in some new records for that vinyl you just started to seem more “aesthetic”, or try finding some new philosophical quotes from Pinterest to put in your Instagram bio. Either way, throughout this entire process, do not expect people to understand anything you’re doing because they will not. You are your own breed, Libra, and we respect that.

SCORPIO [oct 23 to nov 21st] // Scorpios have frequent tendencies to brag to their friends that they do indeed know a thing or two about computers. If you do hear a Scorpio claim this, there are one of two things that you can assume. Either they did get into computers and technology straight out of the womb, or that they want to impress the person in their English class that they’ve been staring at for weeks and they took this opportunity as a chance to speak their true, hidden talents. Lucky for all of you, you have these rare tricks to make any Libra uncomfortable; kudos to you because none of us have found a way to do it yet. You can go back to hacking, now, we’re sorry if we took any time away from that.

SAGITTARIUS [nov 22 to dec 21] // Quite the adventurer we have here with a Sagittarius. See, you would be the kind of person to be kicked around in a football game, get up with a shin bone sticking out of your leg, an elbow bending the wrong way and still refuse to ride the bench for the rest of the night. You need that rush of adrenaline all of the time. Not to point it out or anything, but you also offend most people. It would be wrong if the bumper of you car didn’t have some sort of political, or just straight up rude, sticker on there. You are the least filitered of the signs and ask lots of questions at the wrong times. Especially because of the alignment of the planets this week.

CAPRICORN [dec 22 to jan 19] // Listen up all of our future politicians that fall under this category. If you want to pursue a future in this category, meaning politics of course, keep up that strong, bull-headed and reliable personality of yours. Most people say that they almost never see a Capricorn with someone else in the halls, but that does not mean that they have no friends. Do not listen to the haters who claim that “Capricorns are so 1992”. If you feel yourself becoming more and more unsocial throughout this week, then branch out and meet some new people; there is not better time than now to do it. Don’t let the fact that we go to the University of NA bother you.

AQUARIUS [jan 20 to feb 18] // Congratulations, Aquarians, you have used your magical water powers to your disadvantages this week. While you were out partying somewhere, you simultaneously were able to create the largest tropical storm the East coast has seen in the last decade. We get you like to party, but there is a time and a place for everything. Because of these magical powers, we can most likely find you near a body of water. So, with that being said, if you are on the swim team, good luck in your future endeavors. Go indulge in some bath bombs this week so it gives you an excuse to spend time in the bathtub to walk on water and avoid studying at all costs.

PISCES [feb 19 to mar 20] // Honey, don’t try too too hard to be funny. We get it, jokes and laughter follow you literally everywhere you go. Also, crying seems to follow you everywhere you go so before you go and cause a scene, take five seconds to calm down. In case of a dire emergency, grab your nearest Cancer friend and keep them close. Even though it might be difficult for you, try your very hardest not to daydream in that not-so-favorite class of yours; you tend to do that more often than not, and you need to pass high school.

ARIES [mar 21 to april 19] //  Aries, you annoy everyone… even other Aries. You are constantly moving to other projects without finishing them, and when you realize how much you have piled up, you blame it on any other sign. You are a tornado wherever you go, and if people don’t run screaming when they see you, they simply don’t know you’re an Aries, but they figure out quickly. Aries leave a mess wherever they go, so chances are your locker is a total wreck. You compete with Leos for attention and Scorpios for which one of you is more self-centered. Aries make life decisions at very young ages and plan each day how they will annoy some Virgo. You are most compatible with Libras and Leos and never leave them alone, even though you only ever fight with a Leo. Aries don’t do anything slowly. Blink and they’ll be gone. This comes in handy when there is an Aries working on a group project, but not very helpful when you end up in the ER because they somehow managed to set something on fire. Aries, even though you tick everyone off, all other signs admire your confidence, even if you are the most annoying sign.   

TAURUS [april 20 to may 20] // Taurus, everyone thinks you are the most impatient sign which is true. You always seem to be in a hurry to get somewhere you’re not supposed to go.Everyone can tell you are salty because Aries beat you for first in line. You never seem to really know what emotion you are feeling because sometimes it’s all of them at once. Taurus, you are pushy with everyone you meet until you become friends or start dating them but once you open yourself up to someone, you become one of the best signs to know, and possibly a better friend than a Leo, but few will admit that. Once you make a decision you stick with it. You are one of the most reliable and devoted signs and anyone to get the privilege to know you is extremely lucky.   

GEMINI [may 21 to june 20] // Happy one second, mad another, and sad the next class. Oh, yes, we are talking about you, Gemini. No, you are not crazy whatsoever, you just have the capability to transform yourself based on what class you might be in during the day. One period, your outgoing side might show because it’s filled with a huge group of your friends, and the next you’re stuck in your shell because you’re so paranoid that the teacher doesn’t like you or something of that nature. If you catch, or if you have caught, someone talking to themselves in the halls this week, there is a 99.99% chance it was a Gemini. It’s either that, or they were screaming about how they failed a test, or laughing obnoxiously so that their crush will finally notice them somehow. They’re not completely bonkers, their brains are just running at unfathomable speeds.

CANCER [june 21 to july 22] // If you are a Cancer who has not reached out and asked that certain someone to Homecoming yet, by all means whip out that cookbook and start baking some goods to throw into that proposal. Make sure to figure out if they have a date first or not, but that will be a simple task for you considering you have that niche to know everything there is to know about everyone all the time. If you see your friend(s) in a pinch this week, stick to your usually remedies containing homemade soup and take out Chinese soup; it seems to make people feel better whether they like to admit it or not.

LEO [july 23 to aug 22] // Alright Leos, listen up! People constantly will try to tell you that you are too loud and are only concerned with yourself and let’s face it you are! You are the loudest one in the cafeteria and you never stop telling people that you are a Leo. You interrupt people when they are talking and will not let them leave until you finish your thought. You constantly need attention and when you don’t get enough, you scream, until you get the desired attention, which usually doesn’t take long cause people are sick of you. The only time you take a break from yourself is when you’re on a date, but usually doesn’t happen very often because, once again, very few people can stand you. You are most compatible with Gemini and Aquarius, because no one else can be bothered with you. But when you do find people who can put up with you, you become a real sweetheart. You put (some) of your ego aside and do whatever you can to make your friends and family the happiest you can be. So keep being you Leo, just maybe tone it down a bit.