LIBRA [sept 23 to oct 22] // Much unlike last month, during your season, Libra, you’ll find yourself much more confused. We’re pretty sure the worst thing that might happen to you this month is that you will run out of data. Because Venus is in retrograde until November 16th, you will find yourself having a lot of arguments with your significant other—that is, if you happen to be in a relationship. You might feel the tendency to scream “NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME” as loud as you possibly can until someone might hear you or in fact understand you somehow. Personal space might also be your thing this month. Treat yourself like royalty during your season and maybe even dress up like a total queen for Halloween.   

SCORPIO [oct 23 to nov 21] // You might feel excluded from your social circle this season, Scorpio. If you find yourself at any parties, check to make sure that you’re in the right place at the right time. Limit your mirror time this week because you’ll need to rush out of the house and your friends will not wait for you whatsoever. Now would also be a good time to go get your Senior portraits done [if you happen to be a Senior, of course] because of all this time you’ve been spending in the mirror recently. You’d be the kind of person to pick up a vlogging career on YouTube because you love showing your face on camera even though strangers might think you’re a bit narcissistic. Don’t let them get you down; go after your dreams no matter what the cost may be.

SAGITTARIUS [nov 22 to dec 21] // Follow your own path this season, Sagittarius. Even if someone tells you to go one way you’ll automatically go the other way. Don’t take this as a bad thing all the time. Different is not always bad, you know. Your week may not be so bad either; unless you get sick or something which you have no one to blame but yourself. You would be the one to bring it upon yourselves. Stop stealing your friend’s water bottle because you’re too lazy to take the hall pass and go get water yourself and maybe you won’t get a sickness. Or even better, maybe you carried the sickness to school from your room because you don’t feel obligated to clean it up. Do us all a favor: go vacuum, pick up your dirty clothes and spray some Febreeze to ensure a deep cleaning. You’ll be doing the world some good.

CAPRICORN [dec 22 to jan 19] // Capricorns, you are probably feeling pretty good now. You seem to be doing well in all your classes and everything seems peachy. Well, you aren’t doing well because you’re smart, you’re doing well cause you’re a good con. You have successfully mastered how to achieve greatness, doing the least amount of work possible. You have lucked out and have managed not to get caught, yet. But watch out, because your luck is about to run out. That strict teacher has their eye on you and is waiting for you to slip up and make a mistake. Maybe don’t cheat on every test this week and wait that teacher out. Good luck Capricorns! We all are watching to see if you get caught.  

AQUARIUS [jan 20 to feb 18] // Aquarius, try to actually keep to a promise this week. You’re going with the flow a little too much lately and are leaving people behind. Take a second and rest. You’ve been running around trying to do so much and not finishing anything that people are starting to mistake you for an Aries. Focus on one thing at a time for a while. And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, ask for help! Your communication skills are lacking this month and you flaking on a lot of people isn’t really help. Take a second, Aquarius, relax and keep to your promises.  

PISCES [feb 19 to mar 20] // Hello? Earth to Pisces? Exactly. Right now you’re currently daydreaming and you also need to STOP spending all your money. You might feel the need to binge on a lot of things right now but hold yourself back. It’s most likely because of the current position of the planets right now [the most important one being Venus] and the fact that it’s causing you to feel a little extra alone if you’re single. If this is the case, then hang around your friends this season. They might actually want to this time, not just because of the stash of food you keep under your bed.

ARIES [mar 21 to april 19] // Thanks a lot for the NASH plague, Aries! Now everyone hates you even more! You were so determined to turn in all the late assignments that you effectively infected half the school with your Aries germs and knocked half the school back on their assignments for weeks. Way to go! Though you did get everyone sick because of your determination (and unwillingness to admit that some part of you is weak, even if it is your immune system), this is just another example of how hard you are willing to work, until you get distracted with something else and eventually have to rush to finish everything and get at least 50% credit on your assignment. So even though you are the hardest working sign, you are still the one that got everybody else sick. Try again next month Aries! We are all preparing ourselves for what you’ll do next.

TAURUS [april 20 to may 20] // Taurus, there’s a reason you are the most stubborn sign, and this month proves it. You are determined to win every single argument, even if it is with a small child. You are more competitive than all the signs combined and will do whatever it takes to win. If you can’t have the best score on a test in the class, no one can. Because of your competitiveness and stubbornness, some bad karma might be on your way. But don’t worry too much. As long as you have a crazy protective sign as a friend (like an Aries, another Taurus, or a Leo) you’ll be fine…probably.     

GEMINI  [may 21 to june 20] // Much like one of the creators of this zodiac, you’re most likely losing every single one of your marbles because of school. Late at night, your neighbors might start to get concerned because they hear screams coming from deep within your room. Little do they know, it’s just you standing on your bed yelling at your laptop because of a Spanish question or an Anatomy answer. That little voice in your head will tell you to go to bed too, but the other one says “PERSIST”. Oh, it’s amazing being a Gemini. If you didn’t think that was bad enough, on top of all the schoolwork, you may see that the guy/girl you’ve been checking out recently with someone completely different. Yay for you! Luckily, there’s plenty of fish in the sea so you’re good there. Though, there are not that many hours in the day so you may want to use that study hall to your advantage this time.

CANCER  [june 21 to july 22] // Instead of claiming to be “adventurous and a wanderer” why don’t you actually get out of bed early enough to do something with your lives, Cancerians. Also, just stop being so moody, maybe? Us other signs have a lot going on too you’re not the only ones. Like honestly sweetie, no need to be so overdramatic all the time. We get Libra season may be a tough time for you, but like we told everyone else, the only thing to do is suck it up and move on. It may not be the easiest thing to do, but we all have to do it at some point so chop chop, sis.

LEO [july 23 to aug 22] This month you probably thought you were going to have a good time. You worked super hard during your study hall and were able to relax once you got home. You probably made yourself a nice cup of tea, grabbed your favorite snack from the kitchen, and chilled out for the rest of the day watching funny dog videos. Well, I have some bad news, Leo, because you not only forgot about your math homework but you also haven’t realized that your unit test for your hardest class is next period. Now I know you think that you’ll be fine, right? You’re a Leo and you’re amazing. You never do anything bad. WRONG! Leos, get it together. You are a mess this month. This week will 100% be the hardest, so once you finally make up everything you missed the deadline for, relax with your cup of tea, snacks, and funny dog videos. But until then, get it together.  

VIRGO [aug 23 to sept 22] // You’re so much better than this, Virgo. It’s time to get out of your slump, stop making your mom do your laundry and clean your room. Out of all the other signs, you’re supposed to be the most put together which then keeps us together. Honey, we don’t want to be rude, but you literally stink. Go do everyone a favor and please go shower. Be careful of Wednesdays this season as well, for you might get stuck in a whole different kind of slump; one that no one can possibly help you with.