Valentine’s Day is a notorious day of love, of showing that special someone how much you care – or recognizing the fact that you are destined to die alone and unhappy. There are two extremes here, ladies: those who have to buy their own chocolate hearts and those who don’t. So with that in mind, this special edition of Protips is divided into two sections: one for the people who are happily in a relationship, and for the others for those who aren’t. So make me “bear-y” happy and “be mine” as I dish out advice on what to do this on the day of love.

For my people in relationships…

Protip 1: All your single friends secretly hate you right now.

Seriously. This is your only protip. Accept your gifts with grace, be a listening ear to your sobbing single friends, and go canoodle.

Now, for the people who seriously need advice right now…

Protip 1: Don’t watch a rom-com.

Put down The Notebook, The Fault in our Stars, or How to Lose a Man in Ten Days, because it isn’t going to help you. Nope. It isn’t catharsis if you are in deep emotional pain and crying about a romance that not even your non-single friends can hope to achieve. It does no one any good. Pick a slasher film or a non-romantic comedy, instead. You’ll thank me later.

Protip 2: Don’t call “them.”

Ah yes, the omnipresent “them.” The “them” that either broke your heart, you have an inappropriate crush on, or don’t know outside of pre-calc. Lonely hearts look for what they can’t have and, unfortunately, calling that one person who you think will make your Valentine’s Day better is a bad idea. You need something to help you feel better, not a dial tone and false platitudes.

Protip 3: Try not to be bitter.

Yeah… this one is probably the hardest. It’s so incredibly easy to be jealous of your friends who are in a relationship. But it is not their fault you are single and they deserve as much love from you as you can muster because most friends last longer than a high school relationship anyway. As for the cute couples on Instagram, Snapchat, and literally every other social media platform, again, it is not their fault either.

Protip 4: Don’t lay around at home.

There is nothing worse than being totally alone on Valentine’s Day. So take some single friends and grab Chinese food, or catch a non-romantic movie. Make a lonely hearts night and go do something so fun that you’ll forget it’s Valentine’s Day.

Protip 5: That chocolate cake you’ve been wanting to eat? Eat it.

There is nothing wrong with a little self-love on a normal day. On Valentine’s Day, there is nothing better. Take a long bath, eat a whole ice cream pie, shave, do your nails, dress nice… Whatever makes you feel good about yourself, do. Relationships are great, and friendships are too, but the one person you are truly stuck with in the world in you. Remember to toss some love your way.

And finally, Protip 6: You are loved.

Yep. It’s that gag-in-your-mouth corny. But it’s also that true.  Valentine’s Day is a day of love. Nowhere in that does it specify romantic love. So grab your mom and watch a movie, hug your siblings, make brownies for your friends, and remember that love comes in many forms. There is someone in this world who loves you. And on the days you feel most alone, remind them that you love them back.