Dear Uproar, with the amount of people crammed into the Arts hall between periods, I am having trouble getting to my third floor class on time. Any help? ~Creative Block

Thinking that the arts hall is crowded, or even slightly cramped, is a gross exaggeration. While most Amazon prime packages are given more elbow room, think of all the advantages the Arts hall has over corrugated cardboard.

For one, students like you don’t have to worry about pesky packing peanuts. Thirsty? The North Allegheny School District has conveniently installed two chronically empty Pepsi machines. Amazon never had it this good.

Furthermore, New Yorkers have solved your issue of personal space years ago by donning Elmo costumes. Even in the bustle of Times Square, these bright red Elmos are given a wide berth, able to move unobstructed through the most crowded streets.

My dear student, if you would simply adopt a broader perspective and change your ways, the Arts hall would become your oyster. We at The Uproar have the utmost confidence in you and your ability to enjoy its succulent flavor.