“Cucumbers are just crunchy water.”

“I’m dropping out of senior year.”

“Everyone is so mean and I need some positivity.”

“Well, I’m not having a kid with you!”

“It was so Pittsburgh that it hurt.” 

“We were just talking, and he was like, ‘I love you, but I don’t wanna love you.’”

“I’m gonna get kidney stones for my 18th birthday.”

“I want plastic forks to kill the turtles.”

“People that watch sports anime are at the lowest of the low.”

*a senior walks into class*

Teacher: “Any complaints about the juniors today?” 

Student 1: “They grabbed the science tube!” 

Student 2: “They grabbed test tubes?” 

“Haha chicken funny.”

“She said she loved me, but then I find her at the Pitt vs. Penn State game rooting for Pitt. I can’t love a Pitt girl.”

“You’re always walking around with the strangest liquids.”

“It wasn’t just any officer. It was officer Todd Ray.”

“OMG! This is comitatus thriving!” 

“No, we are not putting raw zucchini in my mailbox!” 

Student: “What kind of computers do the teachers have?” 

Teacher: “Trash.”

“I am sorry that you are short!” 

“Make it quirky.”

“Sorry, I brought in my yoga mat.” 

“I had a doctor’s appointment today at Starbucks.” 

Person 1: “What do you think the worst state is?”

Person 2: “Florida.”

Person 1: “Why?”

Person 2: “Are you kidding?”

“Get your paws off me!”

“I don’t care about ABC Clio! I’m using Wikipedia for my research essay and no one can stop me!”

“There’s a sandwich in the toilet!”

Student 1: “I forgot my smoothie in my car.”

Student 2: “That’s depressing.”

“I’m dating a Communist.” 

“Oh, it’s due Friday? It’s fine, I still got time to procrastinate.”

Student 1: “He’s not that cute.” 

Student 2: “Watch it. He might become the father of your godchildren.”

“I feel like you don’t need depth perception to see ugly.”

“The books we read can’t even be considered real English.”

“My mom said no, but I was like ‘I want an autopsy! I wanna know how my aunt died!’”

Student 1: “You met her on TikTok, and she lives in Connecticut. You’ve never been to Connecticut” 

Student 2: “That’s why when I meet her in Connecticut I’m gonna wife her up.”

“You’re only safe if you’re dead.”

“My organs are gone, sir.”