I forgot my laptop charger and the Help Desk won’t give me one. Any help? ~ Start Me Up

Ah yes, a classic conundrum. I have one question for you, dear reader. Have you ever bothered to ask the lunch ladies? While NASH students are familiar with the traditional lunch options of chicken, rice, and pasta, few know about the secret menu.

You won’t find this secret menu written down anywhere. Overtly asking the lunch ladies may only elicit a puzzled look, but be not mistaken — it is quite real. Before you can order yourself a laptop charger, you must let your server know you’re “down” with the secret menu.

To start, ask about the origin of the chicken while rubbing your stomach counterclockwise. Now you’re in. Then simply complete your order as normal, adding allusions to electricity and charging whenever possible. Finally, take your lunch to the bathroom and disassemble it to reveal your item. If you find that the chicken or pasta is stuck to your charger, there are many helpful Youtube videos on how to separate proteins from electronics.

It’s worth noting that the secret menu is not an exact science. While the lunch ladies do regularly hand out electronics, anything is fair game. If you do not like surprises, or the occasional slinky, swipe left.