“God is great. But band is greater” 

“When you go emo, you get really good at art.” 

“And she had the nerve to use my recipe!”

“Have you ever even seen a McDonald’s before?!”

“If he wasn’t going to Pitt, then maybe I’d date him. But no, he likes Pitt and I like Penn state and that’s a no-no in my family.” 

“I love seeing old people dance.” 

“Stop wasting my feelings!” 

“OMG, just because you use different colored pens to take notes doesn’t mean you’re smarter than me.”

“I just had to give an empowering speech about toenails in my last class.” 

“Yeah, he’s really grateful for me because I got him out of like five years of jail.”

Person 1: “I think my foot fell asleep.”
Person 2: “I think you’re just dehydrated.”

“I could have shin splints, you don’t know!”

“I don’t like soft pillows because I think they’re gross.”

“What did the Americans do at Guatemala Bay?”

“That bridge had sailed.” 

“Don’t go thinking on me now.”

“I can save all the turtles with my metal straw faster than you can save your APUSH grade.” 

“My chaps are lipped.”

Student: “Second-semester senior!”

Teacher: “No.”

“Were you here for the bread stapling discussion?”

“Bro, I swear I die every day going up those stairs.” 

“I’m trying to get kidney stones so I don’t have to come to school.”

“I take melatonin every night. I can’t wait to become a different race.”

“I could hack NA with a floppy disk.”

Person 1: “White men never get anything.”

Person 2: “Historically, that is not true.”

“She’s the CEO of No One Asked.”

“If I put my backpack on my other shoulder, will that fix my scoliosis?”