For the eternal pessimist, the holidays are always the hardest time of the year to get through. Between joyful caroling, overbearing family members, and palatable food, it can be hard to maintain the dark and sinister attitude that your friends and family love. Lucky for you, your trusted Arts Editor has assembled the perfect mix of music and cynicism to keep you feeling yourself this season.

• “King Earth” by Ten in the Swear Jar.  The perfect experiential jam to wash down Aunt Doris’s highly experimental plum pudding.

• “Filial” by Pianos Become the Teeth.  This emotive post-hardcore ballad is sure to instill you with the courage that you will need to show your whole family that sick tattoo you got last spring break.

• “Kids” by MGMT.  Find the adult table lacking that teen spirit? This indie hit will perpetuate the beach vibes.

• “Convenient Parking” by Modest Mouse.  Yeah, so you’re not getting along with those cousins that you see once every four years…and now they are closing in and getting a little too touchy-feely. Let this one run around in your head as you pull free.

• “Masters of War” by Bob Dylan.  Oh no! Someone brought up politics and now the uncles are ranting about the country “going down the tubes.” Let’s be honest, there is nothing else to add to this conversation.

• “HEAT” by Tigers Jaw.  Aunt Meg is talking your ear off about the value of a college degree, specifically a Bachelors in Accounting and Finance. This needs to stop now. If only I could find those cousins again…

• “When the Sun Hits” by Slowdive.  While you’re under the influence of tryptophan, and grandpa’s voice is echoing around the realm of your mind, let yourself swirl gravy into your mashed potatoes.

• “Echoes In My Mind” by Spooky Black (feat. Wicca Phase Springs Eternal) .  Uhhhgggg. Your brother’s girlfriend won’t shut up about her stupid job. Here’s to you, as you imagine angrily deflating Woody the Woodpecker’s float in that stupid Macy’s Parade.

• “Can’t Wait” by Chon.  Because you just can’t wait to leave, can you?

• “Brite Boy” by (Sandy) Alex G.  Oh, real cute, Uncle Jeff. You absolutely nuked the bathroom, and now nobody can even set foot in there anymore. How could a short, stocky bald man make such an abhorrent stench? The autumn breeze Air Wick is waving a white flag of surrender. Have you no shame, sir?   Well, Thanksgiving was fun while it lasted.