The thing about Thanksgiving is that you always know what you’re getting when your mom/grandma/second-twice-removed-great-aunt pops open the oven and pulls out the cooking rack: either a rich, juicy, and savory poultry entree or a sad, dry flop of a bird that makes you wish you were Native American and had an excuse not to go to Thanksgivings. Either way, you know what you’re getting.

However, if you are like me, and like to be a little bit more adventurous, follow along as I present to you the NASH cafeteria’s best and worst lunch option: the spicy chicken sandwich. If you are the boring type and pack lunch every day or are made up of enough money to pay premium prices for deli sandwiches, you might not know what I’m talking about, but my fellow spicy chicken sandwich lovers know exactly of what I speak.

The anticipation of waiting in line is half of the lunch experience for me. Periods 8-11 are often defined by the quality of my sandwich; a good piece of spicy chicken legitimately rivals a quality meal from Applebee’s or Olive Garden, while a bad piece has literally made me throw up into the trash can before.

To prove my theory regarding the bizarre inconsistency of this menu item, I have carefully recorded and documented a week’s worth of genuine NASH Spicy Chicken Sandwiches to truly figure out the secret of the elusive meal.

Monday

Dimensions: 11 Fries; 10 cm x 10 cm x 1.5 cm Patty

Initial Thoughts: This was an excellent looking piece of chicken, and I felt like I had finally started the week off right. When I was in line, the lunch lady even said, “And here’s a nice big one for you today.”

Taste Test: I was having a quite terrific time eating this sandwich; however, halfway through I encountered one of my personal biggest fears — a hidden tendon. This immediately caused me to lose my appetite and unfortunately my lunch was ruined. Lesson learned: you can’t always judge a sandwich on looks alone.

Pavle’s Rating: ★★✰✰✰

Tuesday

Dimensions: 11 Fries; 10 cm x 7.5 cm x 3 cm Patty

Initial Thoughts: The size itself of the patty was nothing to be impressed by, as the chicken barely exceeded the boundaries of the bun. There was nothing in particular to go for or against Tuesday’s meal initially.

Taste Test: The official taste test is where Tuesday shone. The spiciness was exquisitely spread throughout the entire patty, and the chicken was evenly cooked and tender. I finished up my lunch feeling satisfied and encouraged after yesterday’s disappointing meal.

Pavle’s Rating:  ★★★★✰

Wednesday

Dimensions: 11 Fries; 12.5cm x 8.5 cm x2.5 cm

Initial Thoughts: While most Spicy Chicken Sandwiches take a nonuniform shape and truly match the characteristics of a chicken breast, Wednesday appeared to come in a brick-like rectangle slice. For perhaps the first time in my experience as a Spicy Chicken connoisseur, there were slight burns on parts of the sandwich and greenish discoloration on others. I was very apprehensive in trying the sandwich as I was legitimately afraid of what the sandwich had to offer.

Taste Test: My suspicions were unfortunately confirmed, as the burns and discoloration had a starkly negative effect on the taste of the chicken and I, for the first time, had to throw away my sandwich before I finished eating it. On the alleged hump-day of the week, I reached a new low in my research.

Pavle’s Rating:  ★✰✰✰✰

Thursday

Dimensions: 14 Fries; 13.5 cm x 8 cm x 1.5 cm

Initial Thoughts: After a very disappointing Wednesday meal, my ambitions were dashed and I considered giving up on the project as a whole. I decided to try to finish out the week and got back into line for another day of testing. I received a refreshing piece of chicken of acceptable diameter that was not too thin or thick in places. The only slight I had was that it looked slightly wet, which of course could have been an indication of fresh seasoning.

Taste Test: My impressions were correct.  This Spicy Chicken Sandwich certainly lived up to the name — no extra hot sauce necessary this time.  The above-average amount of fries was also a pleasant surprise, making Thursday’s meal one of the best I’ve had in my NASH career.

Pavle’s Rating:  ★★★★✰

Friday

Dimensions: 12 Fries; 12 cm x 7 cm x 1.5 cm

Initial Thoughts: After a week of culinary ups and downs, Friday ended in perfect mediocrity. The patty was nothing but average, going slightly beyond the bun and not being too thick or thin.

Taste Test: Truly an average lunch that filled me up, nothing more. I was satisfied with both the sandwich and my week of experiments that confirmed my hypothesis.

Pavle’s Rating:  ★★★✰✰

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Disclaimer: This article was not sponsored by the NASH Cafeteria or any subsidiary thereof.