A few days leading up to the official release day of my application decision from one of the top colleges on my list, I found myself checking the application portal an unhealthy amount of times each day. I was obsessed with clicking on a little blue button that read “check status.” Each time I pressed on it, I held my breath in hopes of finally receiving an updated status. I continued this routine up until the day I was to hear the college’s decision. 

On my way home from school on that highly anticipated decision day, I heard my phone vibrate on the passenger seat of my car. Without hesitation, I quickly pulled into a shopping plaza and parked my car. I had an overwhelming feeling in my stomach that this was it. This email would grant me the news that my future was falling into place. 

Long story short, the banner located on the top of the page on the portal said: “decision postponed,” a kind way of telling me that I had been deferred and that my application would be reviewed again alongside the pool of regular decision applicants. 

My heart sank. I immediately began to regret every decision I ever made in the classroom that led me to this point in my life. I was heartbroken and delusional for even thinking I could get in. These were the very feelings and thoughts that raced through my mind as I put my car into drive and left the plaza to go home. 

Now, one might think that I am being dramatic — and maybe I was a little bit at the moment. But when you spend your whole high school career working hard to get the grades that your dream schools are looking for and you do not immediately see the “congratulations” or “accepted” banner, you too might throw yourself a pity party. 

Before being deferred, I did not have full knowledge of what it truly meant. All I knew was that I did not want to know, especially because it is often described as the admissions “purgatory.” In basic terms, a deferral means that one who has applied through either early action or early decision has not been admitted to the university, but one has not “not gotten in” either. It’s just the university’s way of saying that they have reviewed one’s application and are ‘deferring” their decision until a later, specified date. 

While receiving a deferral may initially feel like a rejection, it is a compliment in a way. The admissions team did not automatically reject your application as they see you have the potential to be admitted to the school. As explained by Hannah Mendlowitz, the Senior Assistant Director of Admissions at Yale University, “If you were deferred it means your application is strong enough to continue to be seriously considered by the admissions committee.”

Knowing this information made me feel a lot better. I also learned that, at a lot of schools, you can fill out a form that proves your continued interest. This way, a university can see that you are genuinely looking to enroll or that it is not just a safety school for you. 

In the process of writing this paper – in addition to my deferral – I received a notification letting me know that I was put onto the waitlist at another school I applied to. Yet again, I spiraled into another episode of self-pity and doubt. 

To be honest, this waitlist decision affected me more than my deferral. It was not only one of the schools I had previously dreamed of attending but also one of my safety schools: a school in which you are more than likely to be accepted due to meeting or exceeding their stated academic requirements and standards. So needless to say, I was once again heartbroken. 

Waitlisting is a process that colleges use to allow potential students hope for acceptance. It is a college’s way of saying that you meet the qualifications, but you cannot be offered immediate admission. If other students decline to enroll, spots open up in the university. Waitlisted students are then notified at a later date after decision day, May 1, if they have been accepted or denied.

Although I still wish the outcome of the decisions from these two schools were different, I feel a lot better knowing that I still have a chance. Being deferred or waitlisted is not a denial. I now understand that I should stop beating myself up for this, and I have even gained a newfound sense of hope. 

After all, the goal of a college is to pick the candidates they believe will fit in best with the school. If one is not accepted to their dream school, it might just not be meant to be.