It’s not surprising to hear of the increasing number of sexual assaults and rapes that have been reported in the past few years. As the public becomes more aware and more angry about these instances, more victims are willing to step forward and speak openly about their stories. Yet the question remains: what changed? Why now? Why has it taken this long for these stories to be the ones we focus our attention on, and rightfully so?

The #MeToo movement, which grew to prominence in October of 2017, has been used to raise awareness of the prevalence of sexual abuse and harassment and has only been gaining more support as the months crawl on. This simple hashtag has spurred many victims of such acts to speak out about their own experiences, and to respond to other victims with a simple “Me Too,” a reminder that they are not alone.

This movement isn’t the only factor that is prompting survivors to step forth, however; allegations against famous personalities such as Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, Aziz Ansari, and even President Donald J. Trump have emboldened those affected to be more vocal. Such attention on the subject is extremely important and cannot and should not be ignored, as this issue is still relevant in our world today, unfortunately. 

This laser-focus on the issue has garnered some unwanted side-effects and queries about what constitutes sexual abuse and rape, and, horribly, there are some people who use this important and sensitive issue to create fabrications about their own experiences with a “sexually abusive” partner. As more women begin to feel more empowered, more are exaggerating their own tales … and people are listening. It seems to be a trend that people are more inclined to believe a woman is being truthful about her experiences, which is understandable, though caution does need to be observed

Aziz Ansari’s recent allegations have sparked tensions on both sides of the debate; if this account is true, what should have happened? Is it all Ansari’s fault for not responding properly, or is it his unnamed date’s fault for staying ambiguous about her feelings about his advances?

In today’s culture, I believe it is important for people to remember one simple word. One word might have very well halted the situation in its tracks and stopped the issue altogether. One single word can be all that it takes to convey your opinion.

“No.”

Just say no. If you do not appreciate someone’s advances, say no. If you feel uncomfortable with what they are asking of you, say no. Don’t expect your partner to instinctively know how you feel. It could be that they are assuming that you are playing hard to get or are trying to draw a more heartfelt insistence out of them. It doesn’t matter what your partner’s gender is, nor does it matter what yours is. Say no. Everyone has that simple right, and everyone should speak out about how they feel. Do not leave your partner guessing what you want. Make it very clear for them. “No.”

None of these issues are isolated to well-known personalities and their relations. Chances are you know someone who has been physically abused — sexually or otherwise — or who is on the abusive side. The issue is that most of these incidents are hidden behind closed doors, and some people are more willing to push the abuse away and claim that it can’t be what it is. Some victims withstand the abuse because they feel like they can help change their partner’s behavior. The abuse itself can be written off by people who are aware of extenuating circumstances but are not involved; for example, friends of a male victim may simply laugh and say “man up” or something equally dismissive but unfortunately prevalent. In my eyes, this is absolutely idiotic. Nobody should have to “man up” and take abuse, and nobody should laugh it off. It doesn’t matter who you are. Abuse is still abuse, and it is unacceptable.

But what constitutes sexual abuse these days? Some have claimed that it is as little as uncomfortable touches or name-calling, while others see it as rape and rape only. It is unrealistic to cry wolf in the former situations, though such incidents have been reported as sexual abuse more and more frequently these days, such as when Rudy Pantoja claimed his name was “Hugh Mungus” at a Seattle City Council Meeting in 2016 when Zarna Joshi asked for it, and then subsequently had to face Joshi yelling at him for “sexual harassing her” and “abusing a woman” as he attempted to walk away to defuse the situation. Is this really sexual abuse and was Joshi’s reaction justified? Should this take precedence over the people who have been raped or sexually abused or have had words much worse than a simple utterance of a terrible joke yelled at them? Most would claim that it shouldn’t, and I am inclined to agree.

Is the focus on sexual abuse necessary? Yes, but the topic often walks a fine line these days and needs to be treated with care. That said, it is important to recognize when you are being sexually abused by your significant other, or even if you yourself seem to be taking actions that are harming your partner. If you feel uncomfortable with something they are doing, or they are pressing you to do something that you don’t want to do, remember that non-verbal cues cannot and should not replace a firm “no”. If your partner does not respect your wishes, you are being abused, and you need to have a serious conversation with them about this. If the idea of having this conversation with them terrifies you, you need to remove yourself from that relationship. If you believe that your partner will become dangerously angry with you for doing so, talk to someone you trust or consider calling the authorities. No one deserves to be abused, and no one should feel afraid of their partner.

“No” should be all that it takes to halt a situation in its tracks, but unfortunately sometimes it isn’t. Please make sure that you trust your significant other. If you feel uneasy around them for any reason, trust your gut and cut ties with that person as soon and as safely as possible. Be wary around the people who have claimed that they have “changed,” as that is oftentimes a pretty lie that they employ to gain back your favor.

Be careful, please, for your own sake, and never be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Nobody deserves to be sexually abused, but don’t turn a situation into a guessing game either; take control and say “no”.

National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline:

800.656.HOPE (4673)

National Sexual Assault Online Hotline (Chat):

https://hotline.rainn.org/online/terms-of-service.jsp

Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network Website:

https://www.rainn.org/