Dear NASH Uproar, where should I shop for my special someone this Valentine’s Day? ~Young Lover

Well, my valued reader, you have come to the right place. The current trend in giving puts an alarming focus on being sincere and genuine about your taste in gifts. This is lame and honestly quite trite. If you really want to give the perfect Valentine, put your credit card away and reach for those Washers, and by that I mean George Washingtons, the big One spot. That’s right, you’re going to CVS.

Lacking the trashy image of a dollar store and the exorbitant prices of Macy’s, CVS is the perfect compromise to surprise the one you love. Between stacks of leftover pool floaties from summer and racks of fine balsa wood tongue depressors, you will find your treasure: the ever evolving, succulent holiday section.

That “soulmate” coffee mug might well  be in the trash by morning, but for three dollars who cares? If your lover doesn’t like beverages, consider a classy teddy bear made by real ten-year-olds in a foreign sweatshop.

After all, if the “V” in CVS doesn’t stand for Valentine’s, we are all horribly lost in this world.