You are twelve years old and you just completed your 20-minute run in gym class. You were dreading it, but that’s okay because for you it was more of a 20-minute walk with friends.  After the period, you and your friends file into the girls’ locker room, which is filled with light scents: PINK’s Warm and Cozy and Clean and Fresh, at the most a mini bottle of Body Fantasies from the drug store — all mixed together with spray on deodorant.

But when you leave that locker room and walk down the hall you’ll start to smell something…grotesque.

It smells like if your dad’s gross aftershave had the personality of an Xbox or a car freshener was dipped in a Monster Energy Drink. Walking into that cloud of musk leaves both your eyes stinging and your nose in pain. Your friend runs through the musk with you; she succumbs to her mild nausea and headache and collapses. 

The cause of this phenomenon is a high concentrate woman-repellent known as AXE Body Spray, a substance mostly used by middle school boys and teens instead of showering.

But, what if we girls were able to fight back?

In the history of the cosmos, the two most important events are the following: The founding of Bath and Body Works in 1990 and the release of their Strawberry Pound Cake scent in 2020 (also known as the most notable thing to happen in 2020), joining such notorious scents as Water Lilies and Champagne Toast.  These events are important because they were the objects needed to finally fight back against AXE Body Spray.

Strawberry Pound Cake is like the female version of AXE — both are nauseatingly strong, both are made for teens, and both can be used to fumigate a house.  The only difference is that you can buy the former in a candle!

If anything, this is feminism at its finest. Teen girls are reclaiming that trauma by using a body spray that is just as, if not more, disgusting than Axe. Truly, this will be how we gain gender equality–by spraying the most revolting teen body spray in the world.