All kids are told to love themselves from a young age, but what if you get backlash from others for being different? Can you love yourself then? Can you accept yourself for who you are?
One of every five adults label themselves as queer, which means there are many more queer kids in schools all over than many may believe. High school is where teenagers can figure themselves out, and with all the great positives high school offers, there are also negatives, especially for those who are a part of the queer community.
Students who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community often feel they are left out because of how different they are. They feel like they may be the only openly gay kid at school, leaving a feeling of isolation. Isolation can lead to a decline in mental health, including depression.
Depression is a serious topic for everyone, but it is more common in the LGBTQ+ community. Being gay doesn’t, of course, cause depression — what causes it is discrimination. The LGBTQ+ is likely to face discrimination in the form of homophobia, transphobia, and rejection. Half of the queer community is suffering from depression and three-fifths suffer anxiety. Many queer people, especially those who identify as transgender, have thought of ending their lives.
The most common fear among young queer students is rejection from parents, peers, and teachers. Coming out is a big step for anybody who thinks they might be queer, and it isn’t easy. Kids are worried they might be kicked out or cut from financial aid from their parents just because of their sexuality. This causes many to hide who they are from the world and not accept themselves.
“I always felt kind of alone in figuring it out and accepting myself,” said a NASH student who asked to remain anonymous. “It’s also not easy to accept from a young age that you are likely going to experience hate. Being gay, bi, etc. in high school is rough at times. I constantly feel like I am different from everybody else, and I just feel out of place.”
Feeling out of place is common among many queer individuals, and high school kids are no exception. One queer kid could become a part of a new friend group, but be scared to truly show themselves.
“Every time you meet somebody new, you have to think about whether or not it would be safe to bring up your sexuality,” said another NASH student who asked to remain anonymous.
Along with complaints about peers, across the country another complaint is about teachers whose focus is entirely is on academic success. For many queer students, teachers who prioritize acceptance of oneself can make a positive difference. Often gay students struggle with feeling alone, and accepting teachers can help to dissipate the feeling of isolation. Having adults in the school system who support queer teens can improve the experience of being gay in high school.
Many schools do provide areas where queer students can reflect and be queer without fear. Almost every school has a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) club, which offers a safe place for students to discuss their journeys of being queer. GSA clubs are student-led organizations that aim to be a safe and inclusive space for all students.
Forming a GSA helps many queer students with identity, sexuality, gender, etc. Any school that is hesitant to let students form this club has to remember federal law gives students the right to have a GSA club. Federal law “[p]rohibits federally-funded public secondary schools which allow non-school-sponsored groups of students to meet from discriminating against any meeting of students on the basis of religious content if: (1) the meeting is voluntary and student initiated; (2) there is no government sponsorship; and (3) no unlawful activity is permitted.” At present, there are approximately 4,000 GSA clubs at schools in the U.S.
Students report that having a GSA creates a more positive atmosphere in their school. School is often tied to negative feelings for many gay students, but having a GSA often lightens the load. GSA is a safe space for everyone and anyone, not just queer kids, but allies as well. Having a club that is supportive leads to a decrease in isolation, which is one of the main negative effects of being an LGBTQ+ student. Seeing all the members of the GSA come together reminds students that they are not alone.
Another positive aspect that queer students acknowledge is the feeling of not being confined. LGBTQ+ identity is flexible. Choosing a label is not concrete, for it can easily be changed. For example, one could choose to be pansexual, meaning they like all genders and are not confined to one. Another example of fluidity is identifying as gender-fluid, which is when a person’s gender is not fixed. This gives queer kids a sense of control over themselves. It also helps students express themselves, for all to see, not just themselves.
“I have identified as nonbinary for a few months now, and I have never felt more free,” said another NASH student who asked to remain anonymous. “Knowing that I am not confined to one gender is really great because I can express myself in any way I want. One day I’m feeling masculine, the next I’m feeling feminine. How I present myself is how I’m feeling in the moment, and I love it.”
Being in a community that values love and acceptance has = much to offer, but it also has so many complications. Being a queer student is not cut-and-paste for everyone — it definitely fluctuates. Whether the pros outweigh the cons is up to personal preference, but one thing is for sure–being gay in high school is a different experience.
