Imagine walking into a small coffee shop and asking the barista for a spontaneous discount on a drink. Now, imagine asking strangers in a craft store if you can throw balls of yarn at them.
Both of these seem silly enough, right? Yet, these scenarios sometimes lead to surprising success. Both of these unconventional requests are forms of rejection therapy, which is a practice that involves intentionally seeking out situations that often end in being turned down, including asking strangers for odd favors, in order to become more comfortable with rejection.
The concept of rejection therapy was created by Canadian entrepreneur Jason Comely in 2010. At the time, he was struggling with social anxiety and wanted to build more confidence. He then designed a personal challenge: to seek out rejection at least once a day. His theory was that by deliberately placing himself in situations where he was likely to be turned down, he would desensitize himself to the fear of rejection. This turned into a game that spread and quickly became popular—many people were surprised at the generosity of others and the connections made when they expected rejection.
The point of rejection therapy isn’t necessarily to get a “yes” to your odd requests. Rather, it’s to learn that you can survive after a “no”.
Jia Jiang, a now successful motivational speaker, created a “100 Days of Rejection” project in 2012. He was originally a marketing manager for Dell Technologies in Austin, Texas, and had developed a social media to-do list app called Hooplus. After one of its major investors dropped out four months into its development and he was turned away by another potential investor, he decided to face his fear of rejection head-on. For a hundred days straight, he documented his experiences of asking strangers outlandish requests on his YouTube channel and blog, and also created a quiz to test your “rejection resilience” score. For example, asking a Krispy Kreme employee to make donuts in the shape of the Olympic rings (which was successful!) or asking a stranger to borrow $100 (rejected, expectedly). Some other examples Jiang did included selling cookies for Girl Scouts (success!), drawing a portrait of a stranger (success!), borrowing a book from Barnes & Noble (rejected), and asking a college professor at UT Austin if he could give a lecture to their college class, which was a success that ended up with him talking about his rejection therapy journey.
Out of his 100 attempts of rejection, he was turned down 51 times, proving his theory that people are often more open and willing then we assume.
Rejection therapy, though sometimes laughable, has numerous benefits. For one, continuously exposing yourself to rejection helps you become more confident in your ability to handle uncomfortable situations. You learn that rejection is often just a matter of circumstance, rather than a reflection of your worth. When you hear “no” enough times, it loses its power over you and you begin to recognize it as a part of life rather than a personal failure. Also, it forces you to interact with strangers, which can improve your social skills, especially if you struggle with social anxiety.
Rejection therapy also often leads to unexpected “yes” moments. People are sometimes more generous or open-minded than we assume (hence, the strangers who said yes to yarn being thrown at them). These interactions can lead to new connections that wouldn’t be possible by holding yourself back due to fear of rejection.
Some other examples of rejection therapy:
- Requesting a tour of a restricted area–for example, asking an airline employee for a tour of the underbelly of the plane before your flight.
- Knocking on a neighbor’s door and asking if you can plant flowers in their backyard.
- Requesting a random discount for your drink at a coffee shop.
- Asking an employee in a store who plays music if you can pick a song to play on the PA system.
- Visiting a mattress store and asking if you can take a nap on one of their beds.
- Asking someone at a gas station store if they’ll buy you a Slurpee.
- Approach someone wearing sunglasses in public and ask if you can borrow them for a minute.
- Stand near the checkout lane at a grocery store and ask random shoppers if you can bag their groceries for them.
- Go into a store that doesn’t offer free samples and ask for one.
- Apply for a job or college that you’re not necessarily qualified for.
Although rejection therapy may sound unusual at first, its uncertainty makes it exciting. By redefining rejection as an opportunity rather than a setback, you can expose yourself to countless possibilities, while sometimes surprising yourself in the process. Whether it’s asking to throw yarn at strangers or requesting free food, taking chances, no matter how small, can lead to surprising and unexpected success.
