The Uproar

Conspirator’s Corner: Reptilians

A conspiracy of this scale should be better known.

graphic from TopTenz.net

graphic from TopTenz.net

Roman Hladio, Reporter

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I want to start with a simple question: If 12 million of your fellow Americans believed something, would you be inclined to as well?  This is relevant because many people hold very different beliefs, and many people are able to coax others into believing these things.

According to public polls held in 2013, 12 million Americans believe our country is controlled by lizard people.  Yes, your eyes didn’t fail you, lizard people.

How does this happen?  Beats me. Why are we concerned about lizard people when there are suburbs with three or more Mattress Firms within a mile?  That’s a question for another time.

Since, evidently, this is such a big deal, why don’t we, you and I, dear reader, take a deep dive into this lizard hole?  Or is it a nest?

I checked, it’s a nest.

We first need to learn how to spot one of these lizard people.  

If you visit The Atlantic, they’ve very neatly laid out an article titled “How to Spot the Reptilians Running the U.S. Government.”  It is sure to help you spot a reptilian. These traits include predominance of green or hazel eyes that change color like a chameleon, true red or reddish hair, low blood pressure, keen sight or hearing, ESP, and the list goes on.

It’ll be easiest to look to political figures, since that is apparently where they are most prevalent lizards among us.  The most prominent names I found on some shady websites are former President Barack Obama, his former Vice President Joe Biden, Mitt Romney, and Ted Cruz.  There are allegedly a bunch of examples of these people performing non-human things, but alas, the restrictive domain of North Allegheny has deprived me my ability to learn the important facts once again, so I had to stick with the video embedded in that same Atlantic article of Obama ninja-swatting a fly during a CNBC interview.  

But this could easily be explained away by another conspiracy that Hawaiian children are being trained as fly-assassins from a young age.  That’s considering that Obama was really raised in Hawaii… ok, I’m getting too off track.

Now that we can successfully identify lizard people, how have they attained so much power in our society?   Some believe that mind-control capabilities allow them to influence who we vote for.  Others think they have our whole history planned out and we have no control over what happens.

David Icke, a writer and public speaker, delves deep into controversial topics.  In fact he is mainly known for his books on reptilians.  Icke and and his like-minded readers believe that these reptilians are really shape-shifting, inter-dimensional beings called Archons who have come to keep humans from realizing their potential.

Apparently they failed, because I’m here unlocking my full potential in this really weird article that not nearly enough people at NASH will see.

But maybe the administration doesn’t want us to see these things.  Anyone check Dr. Kreider’s eyes recently?

About the Writer
Roman Hladio, Reporter

Roman is a senior at NASH.  Along with his favorite hobby of binging podcasts, he enjoys wasting time with friends, listening to Gordon Ramsey yell at people, and playing bass in the school orchestra.  Roman plans on studying English after high school.

1 Comment

One Response to “Conspirator’s Corner: Reptilians”

  1. Mr. Mooney on October 19th, 2018 8:16 am

    Please let me know when you tackle to Mattress Firm ‘question’; that’s newsworthy and certainly a personal curiosity.

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