As midterm stress begins to wind down, take a break and read what you missed during the chaos.

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“How many feet stories do you get a day?”

“I’m about as American as Kim Jong-Un.”

Person 1:“England gave Calculus, Germany gave Theory of Relativity, Croatia gave AC current, what did the U.S. give?”
Person 2: “Freaking freedom that’s what!”

“Pencils are demonic.”

“I use semicolons only when I’m texting.”

Person 1: “How did I forget a blanket on blanket day?”
Person 2: “I brought in my yoga mat!”

“I’ll toss Minnesota on you!”

“My dad’s eyebrows… are something else.”

“Honestly, Obama gets me hype.”

“Big fat bet small boy.”

“Banquo more like Bank full of Quotes.”

“And I was like, this is entirely your fault, you could have shaved before you left the house.”

“I’m so dumb it freaking hurts.”

“I’m either going to start leaving my brain at home or sell it on the black market.”

“I’m addicted to eating fiberglass.”

“Why did I just get a detention?”

“Cape Cod? More like Vape God.”

“Dude, I’m going down the steps. I don’t even care about the wheelchair right now.”

“You look like a dollar store Harry Potter.”

“Guys, that creepy friend tried to kiss me 3 more times today.”

“You can’t just put Iraq for everything.”

“Good for you, sister. Go get it.”

“My grandpa keeps going through windows.”

“You dislocate mine and I’ll dislocate yours. We’ll just need my truck.”

Person 1: “Why is he the first guy that’s interested in me in 4 years?”
Person 2: “But he has abs…”
Person 1: “Yeah, and he’s also a little racist. And I’m not white.”

“I should write a book about my life. I could call it flopverbs instead of proverbs.”

Person 1: “Dude, I swallowed it.”
Person 2: “Swallowed what?”
Person 1: “The penny dude. I accidentally swallowed it.”

“Listen, I am a God at Mario Kart. I will toot your flute.”

“I think after college I’m just going to spontaneously combust.”

“Would you like to join our religion? We worship fungus and individual snowflakes.”

“I’m literally going to get Shrek’t today.”

“Trump is the best president, so he wants to have the longest shutdown.”

“He was like a real life Christian Gray.”

Person 1: “If you yeet one thing that has been yoted, the yeet gods will help you.”
Person 2: “YEET!”

“I was corrupted the day I walked in. That’s why my GPA is a 3.4.”

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Want to read more? Check out what we heard last nine weeks.