RANTS: Stay to the right, people: do we know what that means? It is physically impossible to travel through the music wing hallway because no one understands that you must stay to the right as you move through the school; this will avoid hallways becoming as clogged as the third-floor bathroom toilets when people shove things in them. Speaking of which…

Stop. Shoving. Things. In. Toilets! When I walk into a bathroom in dire desperation because I have been holding it for two periods, I don’t want to search for a toilet without a milk bottle stuffed in it. And who even does this? Is shoving your hand in a school toilet really that enjoyable? To each their own, I suppose.

Students, can we please park our cars inside the lines? It is a nightmare in both Main and Ghetto because some people decide to park like my grandmother. She’s dead. If you cannot see the lines in the parking lot, you probably shouldn’t be driving the Maserati that your parents bought for you. However, if it’s winter time in the NASH parking lot, then you might get a free pass; no one ever parks in a space during the winter — let’s be honest.

RAVES: October is approaching and you know what that means: Halloween! It’s time to start getting into the creepy and spooky spirit, as well as stuffing our faces with plenty of candy. Pro-Halloween tip: If you are looking for a wide variety of candy for prices lower than you’ll find at Giant Eagle or Target, get your candy at Adzema Prescription Pharmacy off Route 19 past the Ghetto Sheetz!

Also coming soon in October is Homecoming! Boys, prepare the most mediocre puns you can possibly imagine and get yourself a date to the dance! Girls, smile and act like you really love the effort they sunk into their ask and get yourself a date to the dance! Stay safe and have fun!

Our team sports are doing well, I guess.

I know it’s a little early for Christmas, but for those who are familiar with the Elf on a Shelf meme, it’s back, people! In addition to this classic meme, Obama on a Llama, Shrek on a Deck, Drake on a Cake, and many more spin-offs of the old-time classic is available on iFunny, Buzzfeed, and they may be coming to you directly from The Uproar soon!