On living with Strabismus
It hasn’t been easy to grow up with an eye condition, but it has taught me a lot about myself.
Between 2 and 4 percent of the population has improper alignment of the eyes, a condition known as strabismus.
Making eye contact with someone is a fairly simple task for most people. To me, however, it is an immense challenge. It is not that it makes me uncomfortable, but rather that it is very hard for my eyes to look at one spot at the same time.
I have strabismus (struh-BIZ-mus), which basically means crossed eyes. Do not get me wrong, my eyes are not crossed all of the time, but it took me some time to be able to control and strengthen them. Strabismus causes my eyes to not line up correctly, which then leads them to look in different directions.
I’d be lying if I were to say that my strabismus hasn’t made me self-conscious throughout my life, hesitant to make eye contact with others. I sometimes say that each eye has a brain of its own.
Most people with strabismus are born with the condition or develop it at a young age. And it’s not especially easy to live with, as the misalignment of the eyes can affect sight. For vision to be properly focused, the two eyes need to look at the same spot in sync, but with strabismus the eyes shift and vision can become blurred.
When I was young, I did not know how to control the muscles in my eyes, which made it very hard to see straight. My vision is also blurry because on top of having strabismus, I am near-sighted or myopia. It is a common vision condition where you can see objects close to you clearly, but objects farther away are blurry.
Eyesight is highly complex. There are six muscles that control the movement of our eyes. There is one responsible for moving the eye to the right, one for moving to the left, and the other four move the eye up, down, and at any angle. All six muscles have to work together to be able to look at an image clearly. The images seen by both eyes are used to create and send a 3-D image to the brain, creating depth perception.
For me, though, because my eyes cannot focus on the same spot at the same time, there are two different images sent to the brain, making depth perception significantly harder and creating double vision.
Strabismus is often confused mislabeled as “lazy eye,” the medical term for which is amblyopia. But with amblyopia, the eyes may still be able to focus on an image at the same time. Interestingly, although strabismus and amblyopia are separate conditions, they can occur at the same time or even be the cause of the other.
People with strabismus usually have to see an ophthalmologist, who can loosen, tighten, or move certain eye muscles so that the eyes line up properly to work in tandem. I have had two surgeries to treat strabismus and to work on the muscles around my eye.
When I was four years old, I also started to do exercises for my eyes by placing a patch on one eye to work and focus on strengthening the weaker eye. My right eye was stronger than my left eye, so I had to patch my right one in an attempt to strengthen the muscles in the left eye.
But throughout my life, my strabismus has been frustrating. When I was younger, I did not understand why it was so hard to read or even see. I did not know why I had to wear glasses and a patch while other kids did not.
But most challenging for me is so hard it is to explain to others how I see the world. My eyes see very differently from the eyes of others. Whenever I am reading a book, going to the next line is extremely challenging sometimes. It sounds crazy, but my eyes cannot keep track and I often accidentally skip a line or reread the same line. I have to put my finger by the line I am reading just to keep track.
My eyes are also the first part of my body to get tired, and when they get tired, they drift outward. My eye muscles have to work hard to look straight and to pretend to look normal, which causes them to be the first to grow exhausted. I wake up some mornings and my brain and body are completely awake, but my eyes just will not cooperate. When they are tired, they refuse to focus. Think about the camera on your phone or a digital camera. It is frustrating when you are trying to take a picture and the lens will not focus, right? Well, that is how the eyes of people with strabismus act sometimes.
It took me a long time to actually understand why my eyes are the way they are and to accept my condition as a unique part of who I am. And slowly but surely, I’ve begun to overcome my reluctance to make eye contact. Although I have come a long way, I still feel a relief when none of my homework involves reading.
This is Chelsea's first year writing for The Uproar, and she is also is in charge of social media. She is part of North Allegheny's volleyball and track & field teams. In her free time, she likes to spend time with her friends and family and also works at Dick's Sporting Goods in McCandless.
frankie • Nov 29, 2022 at 3:44 pm
This piece was wonderful to read. It is always so relieving to read articles like this where I feel fully seen, when I’ve spent my whole life trying to explain my strabismus to everyone around me. Thank you for writing this- both for the people struggling and needing to feel less isolated, and the people who don’t have strabismus but want to understand.
Michael O'Keeffe • May 27, 2021 at 7:08 pm
Dear Chelsea, I really enjoyed reading your article. I came across it while researching Strabismus. I’m 45 years old now. As a child I had strabismus (esoptropia – crossed eyed). I had surgery at 21 as my father wouldnt permit surgery as a child. The surgery changed my life. I developed confidence, I had girlfriends, I had a relationship and later a child. Interestingly my partner, perhaps too honest, said to me if I had not had surgery, she wouldnt have dated me. Lately in the last 3 years my eye has started to drift outwards (exotropia). My partner noticed it first. Its gradually getting worse and I can feel those self conscious ghosts resurrecting. Unable to make eye contact with people and mumbling and looking away.i thought with age I’d be tougher but…alas no….I’m still that self conscious boy. All my life I’ve suffered with anxiety and I think it’s a indicative of the affect this eye condition has had on my life. I just thought I’d share my story with a like minded person and ask your opinion.
Kindest regards,
Michael
Ireland.
Anon • Oct 11, 2021 at 5:59 pm
Hey Michael, thank you for sharing. I’ve been diagnosed with Glaucoma at age 4. So i am extremely blind on my left eye. So it turns outward when i daydream, when tired, and when i look at a longer distance. It sucks. I have always had issues with eye contact and anxiety throughout my life. Recently, my eye contact has been better. The thought of my eye turning more than it does the older i get, bothers me. At that point, i would happily wear an eye patch with style. Turning eyes can be too distracting and i understand that.
About your SO, i know you are older than me and all, but i just want to remind you that, if your SO treats you differently because of the return of strabismus, she leaves or whatever happens differently, move on. It wasn’t your choice to have this condition. All you can do is live the rest of your life with it. It was unfortunate to have these conditions together. All we can do now is improve ourselves in other ways, making us a better person.
I wish you well, Michael.
Anon.