There is only one person you will spend your whole life with, one person you can’t break up with no matter how serious the fight.  And in case you are not sure who I am referring to, take a quick peek in the mirror. 

It is up to you to decide how to accomplish the common goal shared by all mankind: a fulfilling and happy life. This is something that everyone hunts for, few find, and even fewer know where to search for, but ultimately, it starts with you.

Waxing and waning are not only specific to the moon; in fact, people progress through phases, too. Identity phases are vital to our development. 

To put it simply, identity relates to the reason why we do certain things. It sets the expectations for how we behave. 

So, who are you? Well, you could be a mom, a grandpa, a teacher, a dancer, a doctor, an artist, a comedian, the list goes on. Imagine, a mother’s daughter breaks her arm from the monkey bars. The doctor is bound to respond differently from the frantic mom. Each role has its own set of boundaries that coincide with how they uphold their position. 

As we dig deeper into the realization of ourselves, however, self-reflection can sometimes lead to feeling stuck, fixed to a label that does not induce satisfaction. If a spouse is constantly belittled and told that they are not enough, when the divorce arrives, they are left with the words that were always used to define them. 

Finding your sense of self, or even altering it in some way, is not done overnight. Active work must be put forth in order to achieve a switch in authentic formation. As one carries the weight of change on their back, it’s important to focus not on who you are but what you would like to experience.

On a personal level, I was once an entrepreneur, a businesswoman who worked in her basement and had all of the ingredients funded by her parents and illegally advertised at school. I made slime. The label didn’t last too long, though, because I ran out of glue and lacked the motivation to clean any more mixing bowls. What stuck with me, however, was passion — a certain feeling that moved with me onto my next stage of life. 

Passion is what fuels changing identity. The emo stage, which so infamously pops up around the earlier years of a teenager’s life, prospers through motivation to be one’s own unique self. The dramatic side part and raccoon-like eyeliner are actually signs of emerging authenticity. While the quote “It’s not a phase, mom” is typically linked to this time in a young person’s life, it typically isn’t true. It usually is just a phase.

But the fact that these relatively short periods in a young person’s life are simply phases is in no way meant to minimize their importance.

Phases can be situational, physical, and even emotional. Reality will hit us at the most inconvenient times, sending us into a new obsession that we believe will last forever. As you go through a phase, it starts out with excitement. You are not just skimming through this new identity, but totally immersing yourself in it. Then, it’s followed by comfort. It becomes normal in your routine as people begin to see your new actions as commonplace. Finally, there becomes a final judgment, a time when you decide what works and what doesn’t so that you can move forward. 

As we flip flop from one phase to another, a collection of habits starts to accumulate. The perfect red lip might have been perfected from one’s passion for dance or theater, the way someone ties their shoes could be from Sponge Bob’s song on laces, and the bright flowery prints that are commonplace in one’s closet could have arisen from a hippie stage. 

In all, the stages throughout your life create a mosaic of your most authentic self, someone who is perfectly unique.