Good Talk: Mr. Claus

Nolan Collery, Staff Writer

I couldn’t help but notice your stature when you came in.  Did you play ball in high school?

Yeah, I played some round ball when I was going through high school. I had a few good games, but I’m not thinking you’re gonna find many or any stats about me from those years.

How does being surrounded by elves affect your social life? 

It’s all small talk with them. I feel like there’s a lot of disconnect between my life and experiences and theirs. Like I might say, “Any of you ever in a bowling league? Book club?” And they just don’t get it. Can’t bowl— ball’s too heavy. And, little known fact, most of them can’t read. So… there’s a hundred examples I could give ya about how lonely I can feel in a crowded workshop of elves.

I heard a rumor that the entire 3rd floor of your workshop is damaged after an eggnog pipe leak, destroying thousands of toys. Care to comment?

No real comment— but that was a sad, sad day. SMH.

Not every cookie is made equal, as I’m sure you know. What do you do when faced with a plate full of bad cookies?

Yeah— it happens. Not gonna lie, it happens more now than ever before. If it’s bad enough — meaning the cookies are low-quality — I might take a gift or two back from under the tree. It’s rare, but a man’s gotta stand for something.

We all know who your favorite reindeer is, but what I’m dying to know is which one irritates you the most?

Blitzen. Plain and simple. Blitzen.

Last year, the holiday season took a big hit from unforeseen and unfortunate events. Are you planning for anything extra special this year to make up for it?


Have any NASH teachers been particularly nice this year?


How about naughty?

The rest.

Everyone knows and loves Buddy the Elf. Are there any other elves who stand out in your shop?

I got an elf Janice — she’s a good worker. She once made 418 Timex watches in under 30 minutes; she timed herself, not surprisingly. She made Elf of the Month last June, 2020. Got another, Hemphry — he don’t talk much, but he’s real wiley. 

Does it ever get irritating when you constantly hear the same 20 songs all year, all about you?

I think it might — hadn’t given it too much thought. But, yeah. I mean, “Santa Claus is coming to town”– there just aren’t many towns anymore, y’know. I think the global patterning is changing, so that song just doesn’t make much sense to me anymore.

Be honest here — do you like Michael Bublé?

Mike and I go back a few years— yeah. I think his earlier stuff was pure, real. I feel like his newer stuff is falling off a bit. I find myself skipping through a song or two on my playlist these days. I think he’s still got it — likely always will — but Mike’s gotta be true to himself and not simply sell out to these corporate raiders who just want the next best pop tune.