If you’re gonna be annoying, at least be tall.
*****
My friend is a cyber truck. No in between there.
*****
She has issues. That’s how she says everything.
*****
Lotion is not a thing that many guys do.
*****
I will never be bored enough to play golf.
*****
I can listen to you describe men all day.
*****
I’m a high priestess in a cult. Can I add that to my college resume?
*****
People need to stop being happy!
*****
I could sell my hair for a lot.
*****
Strawberries smell like water.
*****
Twist it ‘til it works.
*****
You’re from America. Act like it.
*****
I like to be organic.
*****
I think I agree with Lenin most times.
*****
You don’t talk to me often, but when you do it is always about your toes.
*****
I don’t have a life. I just have anteaters.
*****
I hate PDFs.
*****
Why do we even read Walden. Isn’t he dead?
*****
These are fake politics, so it’s okay.
*****
Chicken Little is better than The Godfather. I will die on that hill.
*****
I love you, but the way you take constructive criticism is not healthy.
*****
Shrimp are the grasshoppers of the ocean.
*****
They used to eat dirt to improve the immune system.
*****
Some people shouldn’t have been taught words.
*****
I would be an awesome Muppet.
*****
Did you know you can hug a cow with all your might?
*****
Philosophy sounded interesting, but then I was like, “Wait, that sounds like work.”
*****
That hot dog is man-made.
*****
Yeah, he’s built like… uh… an exclamation point.
*****
It’s his fault for being bald. Next time, don’t be bald.
*****
My brain needs to be washed in cold water.
Additional credit: Several of the lines above were collected by Creative Writing students during a class exercise.