As seniors begin scouting out napping spots for the fourth quarter and the sun begins to caress our little corner of Pittsburgh, it is easy to tell that spring has almost arrived.  But the most joyous sight of natural light beyond 6pm signals to us that one of the most excruciating seasonal dilemmas will soon place itself before us.  

On March 20th, our most beloved (only because it is the closest) neighboring business brings gifts of free flavored Italian ice!

Yet the question confronts each one of us with brutal immediacy:  Do I go to Rita’s after school on Wednesday, or do I not?

Although the benefits are plenteous, one must carefully consider all angles of the Rita’s decision, despite the view we are teased with as we glide out of NASH every afternoon.

1.) Knee Problems

As a school full of scholar-athletes, a majority of us at one point or another have seen someone stumbling through the hall on crutches after a recent A.C.L. tear or an injury of a similar sort.  Students who may have suffered from an injury like this or are extremely empathetic and feel others’ pain may find waiting for a simple cup of ice to be more than they bargained for.

2.) Lack of Creativity

Droves of dessert-lovers cherish chocolate-flavored treats, something that seems impossible for Rita’s to master.  Mixing creamy flavors in an icy substance just never works. Don’t @ me.

3.) Ice, Ice, Baby

Just two weeks ago, the ground was covered in ice.  Why do we all of a sudden want more? Just because it’s ten degrees warmer, does it mean that ice is now desirable?  A cup of Rita’s could still probably make a car slide, and studies show that brain freeze is the leading cause of mental disturbance in areas surrounding a Rita’s Italian Ice on the first day of spring.

4.) Surprise Blizzard

Pittsburgh weather is notoriously capricious, as we’ve seen over the past few days.  Due to this, is it not possible that spring’s first day might bring a blizzard to rival the legendary snowstorm back in 2010?  Odds that this will happen? Low. But does that mean it won’t? Not at all. I’m just saying, don’t come crying to me if you were looking forward to your Italian treat.

5.) Spontaneous Combustion

Science confirm there’s a slight chance this could happen.  Imagine this: you’re standing in line and having a grand old time as you await your free ice when, BOOM, you’re on fire.  In that moment, you forget what the nice fireman said in Kindergarten about stop, drop, and roll, as you flail your arms helplessly. I know that got really dark, but it could have been avoided if you just stopped by Giant Eagle for some off-brand ice instead.

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I think that about wraps it up.  There are probably a few more reasons why you should skip this local cultural phenomenon, but these seem to be the most prevalent.  If you still plan on taking the risk and standing in line, good luck … and bon appetit!