“Stop trying to kiss me!”

“Could you lower your neck, please?”

“Why do you have three shelves?” *Screams*

“My name’s Jimmy Carter. Would you like some peanuts?”

“I saw that!  You just slapped him!”

“But if her lips were sweating…”

“He only called me a Communist three times today. It’s an improvement.”

“Gimme your neck.”

“I mean, I guess you can relate APUSH to R. Kelly.”

“It was like God wanted me to cry.”

“I hate female laughter.”

“One cannot simply rush the drink of root beer.”

“She taught me how to write in cursive and now I can’t stop.”

“I know you can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed… but can you just be whelmed?”

“Your T-Bone’s cakes won’t get you any friends.”

“Are you just writing random things, too?”

“Look, here is the distance between the hurdle and my groin.”

“Wait, 21 divided by 2 isn’t 13…”

“And she’s worried about water droplets?”

Person 1: “Hey, what did you get on that test?”

Person 2: “Ahh yeah, I got an A.”

Person 1: “Man I hate you. I got a 59%”

Person 1: “What’s a band that starts with O?”

Person 2: “One Direction.”

Person 1: “Yeah, but I’m not a white girl.”

“It’s been over a month and you DON’T know why the government is shut down?”

Person 1: “So I know Joe and Nick Jonas, but who’s the other one?”

Person 2: “Kevin.”

Person 1: “Kevin? What kind of name is Kevin for a rockstar?”

“I am a toothpick with thighs.”

Person 1: “Some kid bled all over the toilets in the boy’s bathroom on the third floor.”

Person 2: “I know, I already got a video of it.”

Person 3 enters classroom: “Aww man I couldn’t get a  video of it because a janitor is cleaning it up right now.”

“My chair has scoliosis.”

“Imma get that bird.”

“Car crash coming soon.”

“Why does my face feel like it’s closing in and I can’t breathe?”

“He got hit by a car three times in a month?”

“If anyone wants to do some type of snow dance, I will support you and will help.”

“Don’t worry, my fingers did not make contact with her face at all.”

“This elite group of superheroes we call students here at North Allegheny…”

Person 1: “Mmmmm, who’s that on your phone?”

Person 2: “That’s my sister!”

“Just have him eat it. If he throws up, fine.”

“Steal my joke one more time and I’ll push you in front of a bus.”