“I have croutons in my locker.” 

“You’d skip Thanksgiving dinner to work at PacSun?”

“You need to start looking at me when you’re on the field.” ~ football girlfriend

“In my world, Airdrop is up there with the invention of the wheel.”

“I’m just, like, gonna walk around and be a total fascist.”

“I think the UK is….that was a bad idea.”

“I will wear normal clothes just to spite Spirit Week.”

“My brain, it’s like a pirate ship.”

“Patrick Henry sounds like a cool guy. I’d have a drink with him…A drink of water, of course.”

“I just have to get a jet.”

“What’s Officer Ray’s last name?”

“Mrs. Ludwick almost spilled my Monster drink.”

“You made me so mad I almost broke my hamburger.”

“OMG, NAI backward is ‘Ian.'”

“I got anxiety in my knee.”

“You’re looking at a future FBI agent right here.”

“Always make sure it’s the exact opposite.”

“It was 1972, but still.”

“My boss really wants me to work tonight, but I’ve decided that I actually want him to fire me.”

“That’s why I say that cereal is a breakfast soup!”

“You are outnumbered, bro! Four to — how many people are on your side?”

“I sound like a seagull.”

“Sheets, with an ‘s.’”

“I keep thinking about that marshmallow.”

“Your laptop is troubling me. All your stickers are upside down.”

“In summary, I was asked to Homecoming while making a caesar salad with an angry customer waiting for 17 minutes.”

“Don’t call me a stalker. I’m just observant.”

“You now have a rectangle.”

“Why does this fry look like a comma?”

“Find me the multiverse and throw me in it.”

“You run out of hot dog buns, you go bread, dog, bread.”