1. You will always be you
Every day you are alive, from the moment you were born, you have been yourself. You can change the way you look or adjust the way you act, but the skin you’re in will never change. You’re the one person you’ll always have. Everyone else might have a different perspective of you. For some, you’re too much and for others, you have great energy. Some will be anxious around you, and others will find comfort in your presence. You’re the most important person in someone’s life, and for others, you’re only someone they pass in the hallway. The world will always have a subjective view of you. You’re the only one who knows exactly who you are. The only one who can wake yourself up in the morning, look at your own face in the mirror, write your name, and live your life. So act like it. Do hard things for yourself, because you’re the only one who can. Never in all of the history of the entire world has there ever been exactly you. So focus on yourself, you’re the only one you can control. Become someone you’re proud to be.
2. Failure is part of the process
I know well what it feels like to fall short of expectations or disappoint yourself. It’s natural to want to be the best and succeed. Winning makes you feel accomplished. It makes you feel like all your efforts mean something. Failure not so much. But that’s not the end. Failure is what keeps you going, what brings you back for more. It doesn’t always mean a loss; it can mean never being satisfied. Constantly wanting more and pushing until you get there. Steve Harvey said it best: You have to stop being afraid to fail. Push through your nerves, criticism, doubts, whatever it is that holds you back. Because trust me, once you can get past that, it’ll get easier every time. Trust yourself and what you know you can do. Failure isn’t an end-all. There’s no set time limit to your own ability. Compared to others, maybe I am failing. But compared to me, and where I was, I’m doing the best I ever have. I wouldn’t have half the successes I have now if I had given up when I was afraid to fail. So keep pushing. Things aren’t truly ever over until you say they are.
3. Give grace
I think one of the biggest things we so often forget we need is grace. So often, we are quick to pass blame and judge others for where they are in life or what choices they are making. What we really need is to be willing to consider other perspectives and be mindful, not everyone has had the same life as you. Miscommunications happen, arguments don’t have to. If we can be willing to hear each other out, maybe the world could look all that much different. What if it were you in their situation? How would the roles be reversed? How would you like to be treated? Maybe they don’t always deserve it. But maybe they’re the ones who need it the most. The way you treat others holds so much power. So give forgiveness and give some grace. You never know when someone will need it.
4. Comparison is the thief of joy
It’s so easy to measure ourselves based on the accomplishments or strengths of others. There’s always some standard you’ll never be able to reach, no matter how hard you try. You’re not smart enough, not cool enough, not pretty enough. There are so many things we can find flaws in that trap us in this cycle of jealousy and disappointment. How can you expect to be happy when this is all that fills your head? You can’t.
In my experience, sometimes comparison is something you outgrow, sometimes it’s something that will always stick with you. But you just have to keep living. Notice the things in others you wish you had for yourself. Then you have two options: you can keep thinking negatively about yourself and let it take your joy, or do the best you can to keep growing, keep looking forward, and better yourself. It won’t always be an easy path. But I think if you can take the time to have gratitude for what you do have and focus on your own life, you will have so much more joy.
5. Time will keep passing
If there is one thing that’s never left my mind, it would be that the earth will keep spinning. This can be applied to literally any situation you are in, good or bad. Everything is changing every second, whether you want it to or not. The future will always come, so it’s up to you what you do with it. Time is precious, it slips away fast, and once it’s gone, you can’t ever go back. It’s scary to think of it in that kind of way. Really, it used to be my biggest fear. Something I could never stop from happening, never knowing what could happen. When I was in 8th grade, I lived in a constant state of fear that something bad was going to happen. I worried about every single decision I made, that everything I did was a waste of my time, even thinking of the fact that I was wasting time.
But you shouldn’t be scared of something you can’t control. Somehow, slowly, I grew out of it. Now, suddenly, it’s three years later. Someday it will be longer than that. No matter where you are in your life, nothing is permanent, and it will pass. Unfortunately, that amazing vacation didn’t last forever. Fortunately, neither will that stressful test. Soon, seasons will change, and we’ll be back to where we started. The best you can do is appreciate what you have in this moment, look forward to what the future might hold, and be grateful for all you’ve experienced so far.
6. Silence is good for you
Take some time to sit in silence. Put your phone down. Shut the music off. It doesn’t even have to mean sitting with noise at all. It just has to mean there are no distractions from the rest of the world. It’s the art of noticing and being mindful. Maybe it’s nothing special, this place you’re in right now, but take the time to notice little details. In a similar way, silence can be used as the greatest attribute. It’s pretty common to feel pressured to be loud and exciting so people will like us. We want to have people’s attention, in constant competition with the fast pace of social media and daily life. In search of something more, we miss what’s right in front of us. Reserve your energy for where it deserves to go. You don’t have to prove yourself to those who don’t deserve to know you. Not everything you think needs to be said aloud. Silence is one of the strongest things you can do to protect your peace.
7. There will be bad times
Not everything will always go your way. Your relationships might not be perfect. You may not get the opportunities others have to get the things you want. But that’s just life. You are human. As hard as it can get, the struggles are temporary. Always temporary. The important thing is you keep doing the best you can. Maybe that’s less than it is on other days, but so what if it is. The fact that you can keep moving forward proves everything it needs to. I once heard someone say, It’s just a bad day, never a bad life. If you can remember that, I promise you will get through your struggles.
8. Be in the moment as much as you can
This goes along with number 5. Things are in a constant state of change. So enjoy where you are. Maybe it’s not exactly where you want to go, but it’s where you are right now. Things don’t happen on the spot, but seconds add to minutes add to hours, and soon enough, this moment is over. Be mindful of what good things you have right now, take notice of all your senses, and what it’s like to be here right now. Take a snapshot in your mind. Describe what’s going on. You probably can’t remember every detail of your day, but by taking the time to be present, you’ll remember more than you could before.
Let time slow down and allow yourself to take in everything. Pretty soon, things will be different. You’re childhood bedroom will become someone else’s. Your classroom will be filled with a new generation of students, family get-togethers will be missing some people, and new ones will be there. Everything is moving forward, and soon the precious moments we take for granted will become memories. So take time to feel where you are. Not just where you are going and where you’ve been. For right now, this moment is all you have.
9. Stand by your own morals
It gets hard to stay completely true to who you are in a world where so many different standpoints are constantly being shoved in our faces. But even still, truth be told, you know what you believe in, what you agree with, and what you don’t. You won’t agree with everyone on everything. That’s what’s so great about your opinion: having the privilege to feel your own way about something. Changing yourself to fit in won’t make you any happier. Do what you think is right, even if the people around you disagree. Sooner or later, you will be surrounded by people who think exactly like you.
10. Not everyone is your friend
It’s been hard for me to come to terms with this one. But it’s true, not everyone who comes into your life has your best interest in mind. That’s just the way it will always be. And the truth is, they don’t have to either. You won’t get along with everyone you meet. Not everyone is going to like you. As someone who looks for good in everyone, it can be devastating to have to learn the hard way that not everyone who claims to be your friend cares about you the way you care for them. You can be the sweetest person in the world, but if they know what they want, it will not change how they treat you. Don’t let people walk over you or try to fit you into a space you weren’t meant to fit into. The best advice I can give you is to be authentic and learn how to tell the difference when someone cares for you or cares for what they can get out of you. If people only care to judge you or try to rip you down, they were clearly never meant to be part of your life in the first place.
11. The best you can do is enough
This can be hard to hear with all the pressures to be flawless and great. But in case no one’s told you, let me be the first to say your best is enough. Quite literally, the best you can do is the best you can do. If you are pushing yourself and working hard, you are trying your best. Greatness is a process. It’s not something that can happen overnight. Having talent or brains or whatever it is you’re working towards is one thing, but having the ability to commit and keep trying for what you want is what really makes you successful. Focus on your own performance. Improve yourself day by day. If you can do that, the progress you make will be proof enough of how great your best really is.
12. Friendships fade, and that’s okay
Sometimes it can be a sad thing to face. Getting older, people will change. You will change. Sometimes it’s as simple as outgrowing each other. Other times can be more complicated. The person you swore you’d always have suddenly doesn’t answer your text right away or look for you first in a crowd of people. When things end one-sidedly, it can be hard to cope with the loss. It’s like a part of you is missing; it never quite feels right. But the best thing to understand is that sometimes things happen, and we don’t know why. That’s what’s so beautiful about growth. There’s not always a defined sign of it until you look back to reflect on what’s changed. Letting go of one person who doesn’t reciprocate your efforts can open the door to new friendships with people who value you. No longer being friends doesn’t have to mean no longer being friendly. Sometimes, the best thing for both is accepting when it’s time to move on.
13. Do the things you don’t want to
Having motivation isn’t an infinite pond that’s always overflowing. Sometimes you’re down to your very last drop. Not every part of your life will be easy. You’ll get tired and bored and probably wonder what the point is a million times before you ever get to it. But really, doing that thing you don’t want to do, especially when you don’t want to do it, is especially what creates growth and self-improvement. Right before our competitions, my coaches will have us do full routines or stunt reps over and over until we can’t hit them anymore. They make us do it because we’re tired. They push us farther than we think we can even go, because that’s when the most growth happens. It’s the same if you’re studying for a test, going for a run, or going to work. Anything that you know you should do, even when you might not have the motivation to do it, there’s a good chance that having the strength to do it anyway will benefit you in the end.
14. Having common courtesy makes you so much happier
This really couldn’t be more true, or simpler. Smile at someone you don’t know. Complement an adult. Hold the door for someone behind you. Listen to someone to hear what they have to say, not just to give a response. You’ll notice quickly how much better you feel when you’re nice to others. You never know when someone needs a little kindness. The best part is it doesn’t cost a dime. It’s easy to get caught up on ourselves. But make the time to take care of others. It will make the biggest difference.
15. This is everyone’s first time living
It’s not just you figuring things out. It’s every single person around you, too. Maybe your parents are annoying and won’t give you space. But it’s also their first, or maybe last time ever raising a teenager. They’re doing something they’ve never done before: balancing life. Soon we’ll have to figure it out, too. Think of little kids who maybe don’t know how to do things very well. They’re just learning what life is. We were all once there, too. Don’t get upset at someone for not knowing; the chances are they’re trying to learn.
16. Find something you enjoy doing
Hobbies are so important to have. Try something new you never would have before. You don’t necessarily have to be good at it, but in time, you will improve. Find something you look forward to doing. Something you can do by yourself, for yourself. For me, that’s art. Getting to create helps me reset and take a break from everything else around me. Maybe you’d prefer something that surrounds you with other people. That’s why I love cheer and being part of a team. No matter what you’re seeking, there are so many amazing experiences waiting for you to try.
17. Don’t let people tell you what is or isn’t realistic
If there’s something you want for yourself, do everything you can to reach those goals. Don’t let someone else limit what you can do, because they’re not the ones who will live your life. The saying “Be Realistic” is a limited state of mind. Society pushes the idea that there’s a timeline for everything. If you live with that mentality, you will almost certainly live a mundane life. And sometimes maybe that’s what you need. But if you have dreams you can’t go a day without thinking about, don’t settle for a life where you don’t acheive them.
