The Uproar

The Advice Is Wrong / 1st Ed.

Strike a Sour Note

photo by Lexie Vincenty

photo by Lexie Vincenty

Connor Foran, Reporter

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Dear Uproar, there’s a group of kids in lunch who won’t stop making fun of me. What should I do? ~Fed Up

That’s rough. Believe me, though, I’ve been through the same predicament. However, it ended quickly when I realized that intimidation is the easy way out. Here’s a step-by-step rundown of how to go about this:

  1. Get a bucket.
  2. Get lemons.
  3. Put the lemons in the bucket. Make sure the bucket is filled up to the top.
  4. Go to the table where those kids are sitting and slam the bucket down in the middle of the table.
  5. Sit down.
  6. Take a lemon and take a bite out of it. Just go for it. Don’t bother peeling it. Eat the rest of the lemon and repeat until bucket is completely empty.

Those kids are definitely scared of you now. Enjoy your newfound freedom!

About the Writer
Connor Foran, Reporter
Connor Foran is a senior at NASH, an avid wearer of denim jackets, and a proud Bepis enthusiast. He plans to study international studies in college, travel abroad, and hopefully not get consumed by student loans and crippling anxiety. In his free time, he loves drawing, listening to music, and writing.
3 Comments

3 Responses to “The Advice Is Wrong / 1st Ed.”

  1. Mallory Riley on September 11th, 2018 12:54 pm

    Can I use limes?

  2. Connor Foran on September 12th, 2018 1:27 pm

    no

  3. The Creature on September 13th, 2018 5:03 pm

    Great to see that this column is still running! There is a lot of potential here, Connor, so don’t be afraid to push the envelope. And when I say push, I mean tear that bad boy open, stuff it with witty lines and almost unbearable sarcasm, then shove it on the sight with no regrets. You got this. Can’t wait to read the next one!

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