In the journalism class at NASH, we evidently have an affinity for lists and rankings. From the pyramid ranking of students on Mr. Morris’ wall (not dissimilar to Dance Moms) to countless articles sorting various subjects (like national anthems), article titles are also subject to being categorized and ranked.

I can attest that titling my articles is ironically one of my favorite parts of the class, though it is a small detail. Sure, the grammar and content of the writing are important, but the title is where the creativity and fun begin. Of course, as the year has passed, I’ve mentally bookmarked my favorites.

However, before diving into the rankings, let’s establish some parameters for how they were determined. The list below reflects stories exclusively published throughout the 2022-2023 school year. The Uproar has over 5,000 published stories on the site, and sifting through all of them would be a much longer, more tedious process, likely resulting in less accurate rankings. In terms of the titles themselves, above all else, creativity is valued most, with extra points awarded for rhymes, idioms, puns, and especially vague metaphors. 

10. Opinion: Price and Prejudice: As a completely unbiased and unopinionated writer, one of my own articles takes a spot in last place. If you couldn’t tell, it’s a play on Pride and Prejudice, but it actually discusses price discrimination between genders.

9. The Dash for the Dress: Though school dances come and go each year, this title is refreshing. Additionally, it embodies the energetic feeling that buzzes during the fall as excited students shop for their homecoming dresses.

8. Stick It to the Screen: The title complements the article well, taking on a literal meaning that is simple, but creative.

7. Teachers of Habit: While this title is a play on the phrase “creatures of habit,” it actually relates to a quote in the article. Overall, it ties the piece together neatly and adds to the meaning of the article itself.

6. See It to Belize It!: I belize that this title is superb. No explanation needed (other than the fact that the line was brought back by the students who attended the trip over Spring Break).

5. The Hidden History of North Park: This title brings an aura of mystique to North Park, which is a familiar place in the community. Obviously, readers were intrigued, too, since it was one of the most viewed articles this year.

4. Peeling Back the Layers of Glass Onion: This title offers vivid imagery and provides a welcome alternative to “A Review of ______.”

3. Junioritis: A Lesser Known Condition: Making up terms is key, and it helps that this titles checks all the other boxes, too. On a side note, the article discusses a very relevant topic.

2. Putting the ‘Art’ in Smart: This one seamlessly marries the academic and artistic components of the National Art Honor Society together. It is not only creative, but it also rhymes. Overall, A+.

1. Self-fuphiling Prophecy: Rolling in at first place, this one instantly struck me as the clear winner for the sheer amount of creativity and thought put into it. The incorporation of Punxsutawney Phil’s name into the title was the cherry on top.