“Enlarged neck?”

***

“Womp Womp, and move on.”

***

“I advertise myself as ‘not man,’ yet somehow, SOMEHOW, this mediocrity will not let go.”

***

“I’ve never been a tree, so I have no experience.”

***

“I don’t know common sense, so this is all new to me!”

***

“What? Did I steal legs from a gazelle?”

***

“Never buy organic broccoli.”

***

“I’m part of the peasant star. My grandfather was a coal miner.”

***

“2007! He’s practically embryonic.”

***

“I run around, I have picnics, and I fight when I need to.”

***

“My grades can take a hit, but my ego cannot.”

***

“You messed up bug time.”

***

“I love you, but I do not trust your math.”

***

“You have the work ethic of a marshmallow.”

***

“You would rather transcend reality than call your parents?”

***

“I don’t care about men when I’m reading a book about dragons!”

***

“Stop coughing at me! It’s crunchy!”

***

“I don’t think anything is a thing.”

***

“No offense, but I just don’t respect your opinion.”

***

“Taking cash from your mom’s wallet does not count as stealing from the rich.”

***

“At least if I fail, I’ll fail somewhere pretty.”

***

“God is dead and the swimming unit killed him.”

***

“See. The thing is…. I think you’re beautiful. But I also think you’re mid.”

***

“He treats our friendship like a marriage.”

***

“I’m not gonna have anybody in my life; I’m just gonna have a bunch of lizards.”

***

“I know it’s December because I just ate five candy canes for breakfast.”

***

“Everything’s a relationship if you squint hard enough.”

***

“Surprise! It’s mythical!”

***

“Let me see a man with a color-coded Google doc!”

***

“I love when they’re not a corpse.”

***

“RESPECT THE WATER BOTTLE!!!”